Every trip is a quest. It is just that people sometimes fail to simply pinpoint the elements that make a quest, a quest. Elements are: a quester, a place to go, a stated reason to go there, challenges and trials, and the real reason to go. The five elements that make trip a quest is visible in Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold. In Lovely Bones, Susie, a young school girl, the main character is raped, and murdered within the first chapter of the book. Then the quest progresses on Susie’s observation on earthbound humans and those she love from heaven, also in hopes to catch the murderer.
In the first chapter of Lovely Bones, Susie Salmon, not a fish but a girl, at the age of fourteen is raped, then murdered. It all happened on a snowy day on December 6, 1973, by a man named George Harvey. On her way back to home, meets her future killer, George. He tricks Susie into following him into Susie’s future deathbed. Then Susie enters the heaven, where she starts to observe big but gradual change in her family’s life, and the police force who tries to find the murderer behind the killing.
In Lovely Bones, the elements that make a trip to a quest can be found. First, the quester is Susie Salmon, a place to go is back to life, earth. The stated reason to go there is because she wants her murder to be caught and also to meet her family and those she love. Challenges and trials is that Susie’s death is the biggest challenge. Her death leads into the drastic changes in her family’s life. Jack Salmon, Susie’s father, blames himself for not being able to protect her daughter. The real reason to go, as Foster stated is always self-knowledge. Susie, despite being dead, denies herself of her own death because her parents see Susie whenever they see her sister, Lindsey. “When people looked at Lindsey, even my father and mother, they saw me.” (Sebold 66) Through this, Susie is able to feel as if she is alive. Susie’s true reason to try to go back to earth, although she is not sure herself, is to let go of earthly bonds and to realize where she truly belongs to.
Stories, although it may not seem like a quest, can be shaped into a quest. Any stories will have a main character, and his/her goal and the motive to reach the goal. With this basic structure, a quest can be found in a story.
"Susie Salmon, not a fish but a girl," That line cracked me up.
Kevin, I also read The Lovely Bones for my summer reading, and I agree and disagree with what you have written down. For this essay, you have chosen to go with the quest chapter from Foster's book, but I seem to have a hard time seeing the "quest" in The Lovely Bones. It is true that a quest requires a quester, a place to go, a stated reason to go there, challenges and trials, and the real reason to go, however I believe that the experiences of Susie Salmon bar the notion of being described as a "quest." It is easy to see our main protagonist as the quester, however she soon realizes via Franny that there is no way she will return back to Earth. You state that her stated reason was "see her murderer caught," and "to meet her family and those she love," however Mr. Harvey never gets caught, and even on her brief time on earth she never meets up with her family. She realizes that she needs to move on, however and this would be the equivalence of the self-discovery described by Foster. Another quest i found in The Lovely Bones was the one Abigail Salmon took from California back to the hospital to check on her husband's condition, since it involves her discovery that she loves him after all.
Regards, Jason
(Hope i wasn't too harsh :/ didn't want to keep seeing those "your essay was PERFECT"-type comments)
Essay #2 (It's more than just rain or snow)
The weather in the works of a literature is never to be taken just as a climate. Be it rain or snow, the two impact the theme and the message of the story. The rain is to bring purification, and washing away the sins. Snow, is to bring death and emptiness in negative implication, and clean and pure in positive connotation. Thus rain and snow isn’t just there for the readers to consider the setting and weather, but it carries the hidden message, just as it does in Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold.
After Susie’s death, the police and Susie’s father, Jack begins to search for Susie and the murderer. Susie, in heaven, knowing that Mr. Harvey is the murder, is not able to do anything to help the investigators to find the criminal. Taking the advantage of the heavy precipitation, Mr. Harvey’s concealment of his crime became easier, destroying the evidence of murder scene.
According to How to Read Literature Like a Professor snow represents the dark, death and emptiness. Susie has been cold since her entrance and encounter with Mr. Harvey. Rain in Lovely Bones in some way did purify, but it also washed away the important evidence to finding Susie and the murderer. In terms of purification, the rain purified the blood stain off of the earth soil. However, the rain washing away the blood stain robbed important evidence off of the investigator force. “He knew to watch the weather and to kill during an arc of light-to-heavy precipitation because that would rob the police of evidence.” (Sebold 57) With the important evidence of where Susie was killed gone, confusion and uncertainty took over the police. Another important weather to consider is weather clearing, the sun. “Later that morning the weather cleared… the rain, sleet, snow and hail melting and mixing had left the ground sodden; still, there as an obvious area where the earth has been freshly manipulated. They began there and dug.” “In places, the lab later found, there was a dense concentration of my blood.” (Sebold 25) This indicates that after the rain, once the weather clears up, the blood stains that are washed away supposedly came back.
Weather in any story is never to be ignored because weather is an indicator of possible future events, or any kind of climate has its own symbolic meaning behind them for the readers to use as clues. Lovely Bones has used the climate to further show the hidden message behind the story.
Essay #3 (Nice to Eat you: Acts of Vampires)
Ghosts and vampires are never only about ghosts and vampires (Foster 17). Therefore, vampires don’t have to be the ferocious, pale looking and fanged figure; instead, vampires can be just about anybody who carries the meaning of vampirism. In Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, the vampire exists.
It all begins with a fourteen-years-old girl named Susie Salmon, who is tricked and deceived by George Harvey into her deathbed. As Susie’s return to home, George Harvey tricks her into entering his underground den. Then, Mr. Harvey violently traps the innocent Susie and violates the poor girl. Susie’s short lifespan ends there.
In How to Read Literature like a Professor, by Tomas C. Foster, Foster demonstrates the literal and symbolic vampirism. The literal vampirism is: “A nasty old man, attractive but evil, violates young women, leaves his mark on them, steals their innocence – and coincidentally their usefulness.” (Foster 16) The symbolic vampirism is: selfishness and exploitation and malevolence actions for his/her own pleasure. Mr. Harvey, is the vampire in Lovely Bones. Mr. Harvey on the outside is just a human, but his characteristics make him the vampire. Mr. Harvey first meets up with the literal definition of vampirism by his action of rape, which is taking the girl’s innocence. The symbolic meaning also meets up with Mr. Harvey. “It would be some time before I realized… that I wasn’t the first girl he’d kill,” (Sebold 56) Being a serial killer, Mr. Harvey has killed many young children. His rape on Susie depicts his atrocious action for his own pleasure. “I felt like a sea in which he stood and pissed and shat.” (Sebold 14) Susie represented her innocence as a sea, and Mr. Harvey’s action as polluting the sea, which in the end is taking her virginity away.
The vampire is no longer just a fanged shadowy figure, but it may be just about anyone who can act like one. In Lovely Bones, Mr. Harvey, the cruel murderer has demonstrated that vampires can be among the innocent victims themselves.
First of all, I think you need to quote the very first sentence if it is from a book; also, it is THOMAS C. Foster, not Tomas (:
Your essay is really interesting, mainly because of your description of Mr. Harvey. I really liked how you used the quotes to explain the 'spookiness' of Mr. Harvey. The thesis of this essay is really clear, and the essay therefore has a strong voice. I get the point very easily: Mr. Harvey is the bad vampire here, and vampires stands for people who victimize other, usually young girls, and take their innocence. After reading this essay, I got interested in this character, Mr. Harvey, and also in this book.
Nonetheless, I think the essay would've been better if you did not use a lot of quotes. Quotes from the book is necessary for sure, but I don't think the quotes from Foster's book is necessary. You can easily analyze Foster's quotes and write your thoughts in the essay instead of quoting Foster several times.
Daniel Lee
Essay #4 (... So does Season)
What is the setting of the story? Where, when, why, who, what, and how, is what readers ask when they read a story. Of the five W’s and one H, the setting of the story, when, is frequently questioned. Season helps the readers visualize the physical setting of the plot. “Seasons can work magic on us, and writers can work magic with seasons.” (Foster 184) In Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold, the weather is indicated to help the readers visualize not only the physical setting of the story but also the season’s function on the story as well.
The initial setting of the story takes place on December 6, 1973, on a snowy day, when the first dramatic and unusual event occurs. Susie Salmon, the main protagonist, is raped and murdered by a cold-hearted man called George Harvey.
As story progresses on, summer is introduced. The Salmon family has found some stability within their grief from Susie’s death. Lindsey Salmon, Susie’s little sister, has now found a way to stay away from the grief, and that is starting a relationship with Samuel. Through out the summer, their relationship grows.
According to How to Read Literature like a Professor by Tomas C. Foster, each season has its meaning. Spring and summer carries fertility, renewal, and growth. Winter carries inactivity, aging, and death, and under the winter, Christmas is also mentioned, representing birth, hope, and family. As winter is introduced, Susie’s death comes as quietly as snow flakes falling from the sky. Susie’s sister, Lindsey, had suffered her own sorrow, the one besides the death of Susie. Lindsey had kept all her problems to herself, not telling anyone or asking anyone for help. Just when Lindsey was suffering emotional collapse, Samuel manages to save her from her grief. Since then on, the two have gotten closer and closer. “Something grew in them like weeds. It was lust.” (Sebold 132) The love between Lindsey and Samuel has significantly grown over the season summer, as summer according to Foster represents growth and happiness.
All seasons have a meaning to them, and seasons are always to be noted when reading a story. The season might indicate the turning point of the novel, or even just simply describe the setting.
Essay #5 (He's blind for a reason, you know)
Dramatic irony is often found in works of literature, where the readers know what is where and when, however the blind protagonist fails to understand his/her surroundings. This type of blindness is found in Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, where the police fail to understand the reality and the truth behind the true murderer.
After Susie has gone ‘missing’ for quiet a while, the Salmon family asked the police for help. With pieces of evidence, such as Susie’s school belongings, investigator Len Fenerman was able to conclude that Susie was murdered. Susie, who has been watching the events that occur around her family since her death, tries to tell the police that Harvey, George Harvey is the murderer; however, Susie is no longer a physical being, so her words reached neither the police nor the Salmon family.
From How to Read Literature like a Professor, by Tomas C. Foster, blindness makes the character in the story a fool, making him/her move farther away from the truth. In Lovely Bones, the police are the typical example of being ‘blind’. Distracted, police are unable to find any evidence of who the real killer is, when the actual killer is George Harvey, who already has been questioned about the crime. “The suspicion he now held that kept repeating itself. Harvey, Harvey, Harvey.” (Sebold 67) Mr. Salmon has now gone suspicious of Mr. Harvey, and told the police to investigate him, but the result was hopeless. “When Len Fenerman had gone door to door in the neighborhood he had found nothing remarkable at George Harvey’s.” (Sebold 71) Fenerman who heard of Mr. Harvey being possible convict from Susie’s father investigated the neighborhood for evidence, but it was of no help. “George Harvey’s seemed a compelling one.” (Sebold 71) This is when the blindness takes over Fenerman, and that his suspicion of Harvey has gone down. The police, who were rendered useless and hopeless, were blinded away from the truth and reality.
Blindness in stories doesn’t necessarily mean physical blindness, but rather it stands for not being able to understand the truth. In Lovely Bones, the police were the typical blinded people, who were confused and distracted away from the reality.
Comment #1
Comment on essay #4
Author: Sejin
Hi Sejin! I am going to use the six-trait rubric since I find myself lost if I do not use it. :D (The six-traits are ideas, convention, sentence fluency, word choice, organization, and voice) Starting with ideas, the act of communion was well explained. The idea of each soldier carrying something important to himself unifying the soldiers was clearly conveyed. Convention, I think you are missing the MLA citation... but besides that, I think the rest are okay. Sentence fluency was smooth, not making any drastic or sudden changes of the idea. (Good job!) Word choice, this is hard to judge… since when I hear word choice, I immediately think of using fancy words that I have never heard of. But, this essay gave me no trouble when reading and I personally think that words used were simple but direct, so good job. You did a good job organizing the essay, using the paragraph to separate the analysis to the story explanation paragraph, but a conclusion paragraph on its own would have been better. I think voice is something that needs work here. Although it is hard to really convey the ‘voice’ of the author since the essay is half analysis essay where implying voice is rather difficult, I do not see this essay as a ‘standing out’ essay. But then again, if we all can write well, we would all be writers.. haha :) nice job overall
- Kevin J. Lee
Comment #2
(same as above)
Comment on Essay #1
Author: Jenny Lee Hey Jenny! I went around the other classes to see which one I should look at and I happened to find yours! :) I’m going to use the six-trait rubric to grade this essay, so bear with me the pain of having to look at the six-trait rubric again. (The six-traits are ideas, convention, sentence fluency, word choice, organization, and voice) I liked the idea, of explaining not only one section of the book but a general overview of the story. According to the How to read Literature like a Professor, I believe that a quest, according to Foster, requires a quester, place to go, a stated reason to go, challenges and trials, and the real reason to go. Because I also read Lovely Bones, I could point out the quester, a place to go and so on, but for new readers, it may seem confusing to point out the points that Foster explained. With the convention, I think it is fine. Sentence Fluency on the first paragraph, where it explains the general plot of the story, seems to be rushed (hope you know what I mean). Word choice was fine; no words were misused or unnecessarily showy. However the organization of the essay could use some work! Separated intro paragraph, body, and conclusion would’ve made the essay look more refined. With voice of this essay was nice. The essay sounded like a very solid-opinioned essay. Overall, good job! -Kevin J. Lee
Lovely Bones!
ㄴAlice SeboldEssay #1 (Every Trip is a Quest)
Every trip is a quest. It is just that people sometimes fail to simply pinpoint the elements that make a quest, a quest. Elements are: a quester, a place to go, a stated reason to go there, challenges and trials, and the real reason to go. The five elements that make trip a quest is visible in Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold. In Lovely Bones, Susie, a young school girl, the main character is raped, and murdered within the first chapter of the book. Then the quest progresses on Susie’s observation on earthbound humans and those she love from heaven, also in hopes to catch the murderer.
In the first chapter of Lovely Bones, Susie Salmon, not a fish but a girl, at the age of fourteen is raped, then murdered. It all happened on a snowy day on December 6, 1973, by a man named George Harvey. On her way back to home, meets her future killer, George. He tricks Susie into following him into Susie’s future deathbed. Then Susie enters the heaven, where she starts to observe big but gradual change in her family’s life, and the police force who tries to find the murderer behind the killing.
In Lovely Bones, the elements that make a trip to a quest can be found. First, the quester is Susie Salmon, a place to go is back to life, earth. The stated reason to go there is because she wants her murder to be caught and also to meet her family and those she love. Challenges and trials is that Susie’s death is the biggest challenge. Her death leads into the drastic changes in her family’s life. Jack Salmon, Susie’s father, blames himself for not being able to protect her daughter. The real reason to go, as Foster stated is always self-knowledge. Susie, despite being dead, denies herself of her own death because her parents see Susie whenever they see her sister, Lindsey. “When people looked at Lindsey, even my father and mother, they saw me.” (Sebold 66) Through this, Susie is able to feel as if she is alive. Susie’s true reason to try to go back to earth, although she is not sure herself, is to let go of earthly bonds and to realize where she truly belongs to.
Stories, although it may not seem like a quest, can be shaped into a quest. Any stories will have a main character, and his/her goal and the motive to reach the goal. With this basic structure, a quest can be found in a story.
"Susie Salmon, not a fish but a girl," That line cracked me up.
Kevin, I also read The Lovely Bones for my summer reading, and I agree and disagree with what you have written down. For this essay, you have chosen to go with the quest chapter from Foster's book, but I seem to have a hard time seeing the "quest" in The Lovely Bones. It is true that a quest requires a quester, a place to go, a stated reason to go there, challenges and trials, and the real reason to go, however I believe that the experiences of Susie Salmon bar the notion of being described as a "quest." It is easy to see our main protagonist as the quester, however she soon realizes via Franny that there is no way she will return back to Earth. You state that her stated reason was "see her murderer caught," and "to meet her family and those she love," however Mr. Harvey never gets caught, and even on her brief time on earth she never meets up with her family. She realizes that she needs to move on, however and this would be the equivalence of the self-discovery described by Foster. Another quest i found in The Lovely Bones was the one Abigail Salmon took from California back to the hospital to check on her husband's condition, since it involves her discovery that she loves him after all.
Regards, Jason
(Hope i wasn't too harsh :/ didn't want to keep seeing those "your essay was PERFECT"-type comments)
Essay #2 (It's more than just rain or snow)
The weather in the works of a literature is never to be taken just as a climate. Be it rain or snow, the two impact the theme and the message of the story. The rain is to bring purification, and washing away the sins. Snow, is to bring death and emptiness in negative implication, and clean and pure in positive connotation. Thus rain and snow isn’t just there for the readers to consider the setting and weather, but it carries the hidden message, just as it does in Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold.
After Susie’s death, the police and Susie’s father, Jack begins to search for Susie and the murderer. Susie, in heaven, knowing that Mr. Harvey is the murder, is not able to do anything to help the investigators to find the criminal. Taking the advantage of the heavy precipitation, Mr. Harvey’s concealment of his crime became easier, destroying the evidence of murder scene.
According to How to Read Literature Like a Professor snow represents the dark, death and emptiness. Susie has been cold since her entrance and encounter with Mr. Harvey. Rain in Lovely Bones in some way did purify, but it also washed away the important evidence to finding Susie and the murderer. In terms of purification, the rain purified the blood stain off of the earth soil. However, the rain washing away the blood stain robbed important evidence off of the investigator force. “He knew to watch the weather and to kill during an arc of light-to-heavy precipitation because that would rob the police of evidence.” (Sebold 57) With the important evidence of where Susie was killed gone, confusion and uncertainty took over the police. Another important weather to consider is weather clearing, the sun. “Later that morning the weather cleared… the rain, sleet, snow and hail melting and mixing had left the ground sodden; still, there as an obvious area where the earth has been freshly manipulated. They began there and dug.” “In places, the lab later found, there was a dense concentration of my blood.” (Sebold 25) This indicates that after the rain, once the weather clears up, the blood stains that are washed away supposedly came back.
Weather in any story is never to be ignored because weather is an indicator of possible future events, or any kind of climate has its own symbolic meaning behind them for the readers to use as clues. Lovely Bones has used the climate to further show the hidden message behind the story.
Essay #3 (Nice to Eat you: Acts of Vampires)
Ghosts and vampires are never only about ghosts and vampires (Foster 17). Therefore, vampires don’t have to be the ferocious, pale looking and fanged figure; instead, vampires can be just about anybody who carries the meaning of vampirism. In Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, the vampire exists.
It all begins with a fourteen-years-old girl named Susie Salmon, who is tricked and deceived by George Harvey into her deathbed. As Susie’s return to home, George Harvey tricks her into entering his underground den. Then, Mr. Harvey violently traps the innocent Susie and violates the poor girl. Susie’s short lifespan ends there.
In How to Read Literature like a Professor, by Tomas C. Foster, Foster demonstrates the literal and symbolic vampirism. The literal vampirism is: “A nasty old man, attractive but evil, violates young women, leaves his mark on them, steals their innocence – and coincidentally their usefulness.” (Foster 16) The symbolic vampirism is: selfishness and exploitation and malevolence actions for his/her own pleasure. Mr. Harvey, is the vampire in Lovely Bones. Mr. Harvey on the outside is just a human, but his characteristics make him the vampire. Mr. Harvey first meets up with the literal definition of vampirism by his action of rape, which is taking the girl’s innocence. The symbolic meaning also meets up with Mr. Harvey. “It would be some time before I realized… that I wasn’t the first girl he’d kill,” (Sebold 56) Being a serial killer, Mr. Harvey has killed many young children. His rape on Susie depicts his atrocious action for his own pleasure. “I felt like a sea in which he stood and pissed and shat.” (Sebold 14) Susie represented her innocence as a sea, and Mr. Harvey’s action as polluting the sea, which in the end is taking her virginity away.
The vampire is no longer just a fanged shadowy figure, but it may be just about anyone who can act like one. In Lovely Bones, Mr. Harvey, the cruel murderer has demonstrated that vampires can be among the innocent victims themselves.
First of all, I think you need to quote the very first sentence if it is from a book; also, it is THOMAS C. Foster, not Tomas (:
Your essay is really interesting, mainly because of your description of Mr. Harvey. I really liked how you used the quotes to explain the 'spookiness' of Mr. Harvey. The thesis of this essay is really clear, and the essay therefore has a strong voice. I get the point very easily: Mr. Harvey is the bad vampire here, and vampires stands for people who victimize other, usually young girls, and take their innocence. After reading this essay, I got interested in this character, Mr. Harvey, and also in this book.
Nonetheless, I think the essay would've been better if you did not use a lot of quotes. Quotes from the book is necessary for sure, but I don't think the quotes from Foster's book is necessary. You can easily analyze Foster's quotes and write your thoughts in the essay instead of quoting Foster several times.
Daniel Lee
Essay #4 (... So does Season)
What is the setting of the story? Where, when, why, who, what, and how, is what readers ask when they read a story. Of the five W’s and one H, the setting of the story, when, is frequently questioned. Season helps the readers visualize the physical setting of the plot. “Seasons can work magic on us, and writers can work magic with seasons.” (Foster 184) In Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold, the weather is indicated to help the readers visualize not only the physical setting of the story but also the season’s function on the story as well.
The initial setting of the story takes place on December 6, 1973, on a snowy day, when the first dramatic and unusual event occurs. Susie Salmon, the main protagonist, is raped and murdered by a cold-hearted man called George Harvey.
As story progresses on, summer is introduced. The Salmon family has found some stability within their grief from Susie’s death. Lindsey Salmon, Susie’s little sister, has now found a way to stay away from the grief, and that is starting a relationship with Samuel. Through out the summer, their relationship grows.
According to How to Read Literature like a Professor by Tomas C. Foster, each season has its meaning. Spring and summer carries fertility, renewal, and growth. Winter carries inactivity, aging, and death, and under the winter, Christmas is also mentioned, representing birth, hope, and family. As winter is introduced, Susie’s death comes as quietly as snow flakes falling from the sky. Susie’s sister, Lindsey, had suffered her own sorrow, the one besides the death of Susie. Lindsey had kept all her problems to herself, not telling anyone or asking anyone for help. Just when Lindsey was suffering emotional collapse, Samuel manages to save her from her grief. Since then on, the two have gotten closer and closer. “Something grew in them like weeds. It was lust.” (Sebold 132) The love between Lindsey and Samuel has significantly grown over the season summer, as summer according to Foster represents growth and happiness.
All seasons have a meaning to them, and seasons are always to be noted when reading a story. The season might indicate the turning point of the novel, or even just simply describe the setting.
Essay #5 (He's blind for a reason, you know)
Dramatic irony is often found in works of literature, where the readers know what is where and when, however the blind protagonist fails to understand his/her surroundings. This type of blindness is found in Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, where the police fail to understand the reality and the truth behind the true murderer.
After Susie has gone ‘missing’ for quiet a while, the Salmon family asked the police for help. With pieces of evidence, such as Susie’s school belongings, investigator Len Fenerman was able to conclude that Susie was murdered. Susie, who has been watching the events that occur around her family since her death, tries to tell the police that Harvey, George Harvey is the murderer; however, Susie is no longer a physical being, so her words reached neither the police nor the Salmon family.
From How to Read Literature like a Professor, by Tomas C. Foster, blindness makes the character in the story a fool, making him/her move farther away from the truth. In Lovely Bones, the police are the typical example of being ‘blind’. Distracted, police are unable to find any evidence of who the real killer is, when the actual killer is George Harvey, who already has been questioned about the crime. “The suspicion he now held that kept repeating itself. Harvey, Harvey, Harvey.” (Sebold 67) Mr. Salmon has now gone suspicious of Mr. Harvey, and told the police to investigate him, but the result was hopeless. “When Len Fenerman had gone door to door in the neighborhood he had found nothing remarkable at George Harvey’s.” (Sebold 71) Fenerman who heard of Mr. Harvey being possible convict from Susie’s father investigated the neighborhood for evidence, but it was of no help. “George Harvey’s seemed a compelling one.” (Sebold 71) This is when the blindness takes over Fenerman, and that his suspicion of Harvey has gone down. The police, who were rendered useless and hopeless, were blinded away from the truth and reality.
Blindness in stories doesn’t necessarily mean physical blindness, but rather it stands for not being able to understand the truth. In Lovely Bones, the police were the typical blinded people, who were confused and distracted away from the reality.
Comment #1
Comment on essay #4
Author: Sejin
Hi Sejin! I am going to use the six-trait rubric since I find myself lost if I do not use it. :D (The six-traits are ideas, convention, sentence fluency, word choice, organization, and voice) Starting with ideas, the act of communion was well explained. The idea of each soldier carrying something important to himself unifying the soldiers was clearly conveyed. Convention, I think you are missing the MLA citation... but besides that, I think the rest are okay. Sentence fluency was smooth, not making any drastic or sudden changes of the idea. (Good job!) Word choice, this is hard to judge… since when I hear word choice, I immediately think of using fancy words that I have never heard of. But, this essay gave me no trouble when reading and I personally think that words used were simple but direct, so good job. You did a good job organizing the essay, using the paragraph to separate the analysis to the story explanation paragraph, but a conclusion paragraph on its own would have been better. I think voice is something that needs work here. Although it is hard to really convey the ‘voice’ of the author since the essay is half analysis essay where implying voice is rather difficult, I do not see this essay as a ‘standing out’ essay. But then again, if we all can write well, we would all be writers.. haha :) nice job overall
- Kevin J. Lee
Comment #2
(same as above)
Comment on Essay #1
Author: Jenny Lee
Hey Jenny! I went around the other classes to see which one I should look at and I happened to find yours! :) I’m going to use the six-trait rubric to grade this essay, so bear with me the pain of having to look at the six-trait rubric again. (The six-traits are ideas, convention, sentence fluency, word choice, organization, and voice) I liked the idea, of explaining not only one section of the book but a general overview of the story. According to the How to read Literature like a Professor, I believe that a quest, according to Foster, requires a quester, place to go, a stated reason to go, challenges and trials, and the real reason to go. Because I also read Lovely Bones, I could point out the quester, a place to go and so on, but for new readers, it may seem confusing to point out the points that Foster explained. With the convention, I think it is fine. Sentence Fluency on the first paragraph, where it explains the general plot of the story, seems to be rushed (hope you know what I mean). Word choice was fine; no words were misused or unnecessarily showy. However the organization of the essay could use some work! Separated intro paragraph, body, and conclusion would’ve made the essay look more refined. With voice of this essay was nice. The essay sounded like a very solid-opinioned essay. Overall, good job!
-Kevin J. Lee